Can an Online Sex Class Help Your Relationship?

An online sex class won't fix a relationship. Nothing you watch on a screen will.

What it can do is give two people a shared language for something most of us were never taught to talk about. That's worth more than it sounds.

What a class gives you that talking alone often doesn't

Most couples don't avoid talking about sex because they don't care. They avoid it because they don't know how to start, and every attempt feels loaded.

A class gives you something outside the two of you to talk about. "What did you think of that part on touch?" is a lot easier to say than "I've been unhappy with how you touch me."

It also means you're both hearing the same ideas at the same time, in the same words. That cuts down on "but that's not what I meant."

What you'd actually learn

Here's what The Sex Class covers, across 12 video modules and about eight hours:

• Mindset: the beliefs about sex you picked up growing up, and which ones you want to keep.
• Presence in the body: staying in your body during sex instead of in your head.
• Touch: giving and receiving it.
• Sex acts: the whole menu, not just intercourse.
• Body image: how you feel about your body, and how that shows up in bed.
• Orgasm: what helps, what gets in the way.
• Relationships: how sex and the rest of the relationship affect each other.
• Fantasy and dirty talk: what turns you on in your head, and how to say it out loud.
• Blueprints: understanding what turns you on and why.
• Communication: asking for what you want and saying what you don't.
• Risks and boundaries: keeping exploration safe and consensual.

It's made for singles and couples. You can take it together or on your own.

Who it tends to suit

In my experience, a class like this works well for:

• Couples who love each other and still want each other, but sex has gone quiet or predictable.
• Couples where one or both people find it hard to talk about sex out loud.
• People who never had real sex education and want the basics they missed.
• Couples who want to try new things but aren't sure where to start.
• Anyone who learns better by watching and practicing privately than by sitting in a room.

Who it doesn't suit, and when therapy is the better call

A class is education. It isn't therapy, and it isn't crisis support.

A licensed therapist is the right first call if:

• You're in the middle of a crisis, like a recently discovered affair.
• Either of you feels afraid of the other, or there's any kind of abuse.
• Past trauma floods back during sex or touch.
• Sex or porn use feels out of control, or you're dealing with addiction.
• One of you has already decided to leave.

And if sex hurts, or something has changed suddenly in your body (arousal, erections, orgasm), see a doctor first. A class can't rule out a medical cause.

What if your partner isn't interested?

Don't push. Pressure is the fastest way to make sex feel like a chore or a fight.

You can take the class on your own. Plenty of people do. What you learn about your own body, your own desires, and how to say what you want changes how you show up, whether or not your partner ever watches a minute.

If you want to bring them in, offer instead of assigning. Try something like:

"I've been watching this class, and one idea really stuck with me. Can I tell you about it?"

Or, after a module you liked: "There was a part on touch I'd love to try with you sometime. No pressure. Want to hear it?"

If they say no, that's a real answer. Let it be one. Their yes only means something if their no is allowed too.

Try this, with or without a class

Tonight, each of you finish this sentence, and just listen to the other's answer without fixing anything:

"One thing I'd like more of in our sex life is..."

If that feels too big, start smaller: "One thing I liked the last time we had sex was..."

Notice how it feels to say it out loud. That feeling, a little exposed, a little closer, is most of what any good sex class is trying to teach.

If you came here for the book recommendations that used to be on this page, they now live in my books post.

Want more of this? Everything I teach clients about desire, pleasure and talking about sex is in The Sex Class, at your own pace.