3 Online Dating Tips to Keep You Grounded

In my practice, I talk with clients often about dating, especially online dating.

I've had the pleasure of seeing so many new relationships bud and people fall madly in love. I've also seen dating go all wrong. We never know when our person will show up, but how we put ourselves out there can make a big difference to our experience while we wait.

Below is a video of my top 3 tips for getting the most out of online dating while also staying balanced.

Not interested in watching a video? Read on.

1. Use two or three apps or sites at a time, no more

There are so many dating apps and sites to choose from that it can be overwhelming. I recommend signing up for at least two, and no more than three.

You don't want to limit yourself to just one, and more than three profiles can be a lot to manage. Different apps attract different kinds of people.

If you decide you don't like a particular app anymore, delete your profile and try another one.

I also recommend deciding how much time you want to spend looking each day. Five minutes? Twenty minutes? An hour searching for your next lover?

Decide on a number, then actually watch the clock as you explore. When your time is up, stop. If there's something you want to remember or follow up on, jot a quick note for tomorrow.

You don't have to view all the profiles in one sitting.

2. Pictures, pictures, pictures

Photos really are the main focus. We're visual creatures, and people decide quickly.

Your photos need to be of you and recent. Not all in sunglasses, and not with a ton of other people. A photo or two with someone else is fine, but mainly just you.

Some photo guidelines:

• Include at least one full-body shot.
• Tell a story about who you are, with photos of you doing things you'd normally be doing.
• A common mistake is posting only dressed-up photos, or only casual ones. If you wear both, and most of us do, show both. Can you dress down for a casual Saturday hangout? Can you dress up for a party on Saturday night? Let them see it.
• Sunglasses in one photo is OK, if they're really cool sunnies.
• If you're balding or often wear hats, include at least one photo that shows your hairline as it is today.

Show 'em what you've got to offer.

If you don't have any good photos, or struggle to take them, consider having some taken by a professional. I've encouraged many clients to do this. It can be a really fun experience, and in my experience it often leads to more dates.

Pick a photographer who does dating profile photos. They'll have lots of good tips on what to wear and how to pose.

3. Within a few exchanges, make a plan to talk or meet

I've heard story after story about people spending weeks messaging on apps, only to find out the other person disappears at the mention of meeting up.

If you want to actually date, I recommend that after you've established some connection, at least three messages back and forth, you suggest moving it off the app. You could say:

"I'm enjoying this. Want to meet for a coffee and see if the chemistry is there in person? Or we could do a quick phone or video call first if you'd prefer."

The faster you learn whether this person is up for meeting, the less time you spend chatting with someone who isn't. I usually recommend keeping the first meeting low-key: coffee, tea, or a drink. Nothing too commitment-heavy.

Keep yourself sane

Remember: there are a lot of people online dating. If you walked down the street, how many people would you see that you'd want to date? And if you struck up a conversation, would you still be as interested? Chances are the percentage would be pretty low. Online is no different. Not every match is supposed to go somewhere.

Also, if someone seems too good to be true, they often are. There are many people running scams online. Be somewhat cautious: don't send money to someone you haven't met, meet in a public place the first time, and let a friend know where you'll be.

Online dating is great because it takes away the worry that the other person isn't available. But until you meet in person, hear their voice, feel their vibe, and see their eyes, you have no idea what the future could hold for you two.

Happy dating!

Want more of this? Everything I teach clients about desire, pleasure and talking about sex is in The Sex Class, at your own pace.