Your First Sex Class: What to Expect (and What to Ask)

Sex classes have changed a lot. For a while there was a class in San Francisco called "Eating Pussy Like a Champion." And yes, they had a live demo.

That's one end of the spectrum. Most classes are nothing like that, and mine is at the other end entirely. If you're curious but nervous, here are straight answers to what people usually want to know first.

Is it online or in person?

Both exist, and they feel very different.

In-person workshops happen in a room with other people. They might run an evening or a weekend. Some are mostly talking. Some include partner exercises, massage, or movement. A few, like that San Francisco class, include demonstrations.

Online video classes are recorded lessons you watch at home. No room full of strangers, no one watching you back.

The Sex Class is the second kind: 12 video modules, about eight hours in all. There are no live demonstrations. It's me teaching.

Do I have to take my clothes off?

Not in mine. It's video. You can watch it in sweatpants on the couch.

For in-person workshops, ask before you book. Many are fully clothed. Some involve partial undress or nudity, and a good facilitator will tell you that clearly in advance and let you opt out.

Will anyone see me?

With an online class, no. You watch on your own device, in your own space.

In a workshop, the other participants will see you. That's why good facilitators set ground rules at the start. Common ones:

• What's shared in the room stays in the room.
• Listen without interrupting or judging.
• Ask before you give someone feedback or advice.

If a workshop doesn't mention privacy at all, ask about it.

Can I go alone, or do I need a partner?

You can absolutely go alone. Plenty of people learn about their own bodies and desires first, then bring what they've learned into a relationship, current or future.

The Sex Class is made for singles and couples. If you have a partner, you might watch together, watch separately and talk about it, or keep it to yourself for now. All three are fine.

If you're inviting a partner, make it an invitation they can turn down. More on that in Can an Online Sex Class Help Your Relationship?

What if something feels like too much?

Then you stop, skip it, or come back later.

In a video class you control the pause button. In a workshop, you're allowed to sit out any exercise. You don't owe anyone an explanation. A good facilitator says this out loud at the beginning.

Before your first class, it helps to know your own limits. Ask yourself:

• What am I hoping to learn?
• What am I not ready for yet?
• If I have a partner, what have we agreed is private between us?

If you're going with a partner, talk through those answers together before you start.

What will I actually learn?

That depends on the class. Some focus on one thing: anatomy, communication and consent, touch and massage, kink, or relationships.

Mine covers a wide range: mindset, being present in your body, touch, sex acts, body image, orgasm, relationships, fantasy and dirty talk, blueprints, communication, and risks and boundaries.

Questions to ask before you sign up for any class

• Who teaches it, and what's their training? Look for real credentials and real experience. (I've been coaching since 2010. I have a master's in counseling psychology and I'm a certified sexological bodyworker and certified mindfulness teacher. More on my about page.)
• Is it live or recorded?
• Is there any nudity, touch, or demonstration? Is taking part optional?
• Will I be asked to share anything personal?
• Who else will be there? Singles, couples, a mix?
• Is it recorded, and who sees the recording?
• Can I come alone?
• What happens if I'm uncomfortable partway through?

A good teacher will be glad you asked. If someone gets cagey about any of these, that tells you something.

If you're looking for one-on-one help instead of a class, I talked about how to find the right coach or therapist on the Shameless Sex podcast: How to Find the Right (Sex and Relationship) Therapist or Coach.

If you're nervous

That's normal. Most people feel a mix of curiosity and nerves before their first class. Being nervous doesn't mean you're not ready. It usually means you care.

Start small. Pick the format that feels safest. You can always go further later.

Want more of this? Everything I teach clients about desire, pleasure and talking about sex is in The Sex Class, at your own pace.