In recent weeks, I’ve found myself reflecting on the famous Fable of The Porcupine:

It was the coldest winter ever. Many animals died because of the cold. The porcupines, realizing the situation, decided to group together to keep warm. This way they covered and protected themselves; but the quills of each one wounded their closest companions. After a while, they decided to distance themselves one from the other and they began to die, alone and frozen. So they had to make a choice: either accept the quills of their companions or disappear from the Earth. Wisely, they decided to go back to being together. They learned to live with the little wounds caused by the close relationship with their companions in order to receive the warmth that came from them. This way they were able to survive.

How many times have you been poked and unintentionally poked another?

Many of us can easily make a list… yet do we really want to waste our days stuck in rumination of how wronged we feel or how guilty we are?

What’s the other option you ask?

To fully forgive yourself and work towards forgiving others.

What's stopping you from integrating the porcupine fable into your worldview….what is allowing the fable of the porcupine into your life could be a dramatic shift in how you relate?

You do not have to stay the victim. You do not have to stay stuck in the loop of hoping people (or ourselves) will be other or better than they are.

Many of us are set up right from the beginning to be disappointed in relationships.

We've been given messages from society, movies and books:

+ We need to be perfect (to be loved)

+ They need to be perfect (to love us) 

What do you need to let go of in order to shift or update your expectations of loved ones and yourself?

On my holiday card this year reads a quote from my late mentor John Welwood: ‘We are not just humans learning to become buddhas, but also buddhas waking up in the human form, learning to become fully human.’

The best relationship is not the one that brings two perfect people together. The best relationship is two individuals learning to live with the imperfections of the other, while remaining clear eyed of the other person’s good qualities.

Boundaries and our usual self-care routines can be a struggle to maintain during the holidays. If you're looking for more resources to love and connect despite all of our imperfections, here are some readings that I recommend: 

+ Beautiful interview of John Welwood by Tami Smith shortly before he passed

+ Pooja Lakshimn’s book Real Self Care (heads up, this books primarily written for women)

+ Anything written by Lindsay Gibson on emotional immaturity. One of my favorites, The Recovery Handbook

Books on forgiveness:

Inspiring Forgiveness: Poems, Quotations, and True Stories to Help with Forgiving Yourself and Others

The Book of Forgiving: The Fourfold Path for Healing Ourselves and Our World

Loving Kindness the Revolutionary Art of Happiness

Wishing you courage and an open heart!