Lasting longer - are there benefits of withholding ejaculation during orgasm?

Are there any benefits from lasting longer or withholding ejaculation?

Someone recently wrote in a question:

What are your thoughts on male orgasm and eastern/tantric practices which advise against physical orgasm (but might be favorable towards energetic orgasm)? I’m curious about how holding back on orgasm influences the male body & psyche. I’ve always been a guy who ejaculates frequently, but am thinking about shifting that – and finding it difficult.

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Pros and cons of withholding ejaculation

It's funny you asked about this, I was just talking with a client who is a Tibetan Buddhist. He has been exploring what orgasm means for him and the idea of lasting longer and withholding ejaculation during orgasm.

An orgasm can also be called the 'peak'

An Orgasm

Orgasm is a physical body function. I prefer facts and things that are tangible and measurable. I define orgasm as the involuntary muscle contractions of the pelvic floor.

In the tantra world, they consider the movement of pleasurable energy an orgasm.

Men can have orgasm without ejaculation, but it is uncommon. This experience often leads to “retrograde ejaculation” – the ejaculate goes into the bladder and will later be peed out.

This can be very painful and also, someone can get stuck in a cycle of ejaculating into the bladder. This is not all that common, but does happen.

I often try to steer men away from such things.  It is more important to learn how to hold erotic energy in your body without worrying about how many orgasms they have.

When you can focus more on the sensations of pleasure and allow those to become more expansive, the orgasm will have more pleasure built behind it. This leads to more intensity at the moment of orgasms.

When it comes to ejaculating, most urologists say it is a good thing. I have even heard some recommend ejaculating three times a week for continual prostate health.

It is true agree that people seem to be more balanced when they are regularly moving fully through sexual experience.

I know I feel a lot more balanced!

Tao (in Chinese philosophy) the absolute principle underlying the universe, combining within itself the principles of yin and yang and signifying the way.

Tao or Taoists

The Tao or Taoists are the ones that mostly talk about non-ejaculation:

“A man must preserve and retain his semen in order to enhance his strength, health and longevity. This philosophy believes that men who regulate their ejaculation to a minimum and retain their semen will grow strong and have a clearer mind.”

I can definitely understand the intentionality of this idea. I also imagine for this to be a consistent state of being, one would need to have a committed spiritual practice.

Where to start with this whole with holding ejaculation idea

To start, set an intention around non-ejaculation as a spiritual goal (think of this like a cleanse: you do it to get re-aligned with whatever you are needing alignment with).

Pick an amount of time that feels reasonable for you. Try first with something reasonable for yourself. Maybe one or two weeks. Be completely clear with yourself about what you are hoping to deepen into and get out of this experiment.

I do want to mention here, I am not ok recommending this for someone in the long-term. You can give yourself a serious complex and develop delayed ejaculation, which it not easy to fix.

There are all sorts of ways to play with your arousal curve.

Arousal Curve Play

Often when men go up the arousal curve, they just go from 1 to 10 with very little flexibility.

If you think about the way most women move up and down the arousal curve, it is up to a 7, down to a 4, up to a 8, down to a 5, then 4, then up to a 6 then 9, 10, back to a 6, then 8, then 5. You get my point.

I believe this is because:

1) women can have more than one orgasm therefore penetration does not have to stop when they reach orgasm

2) men have so much pressure to get hard and stay hard that they don’t allow themselves the space to go up and down the arousal curve. They want to get hard enough and stay hard enough making going down the arousal curve scary. It is normal for your arousal to come and go even if you are really turned on.

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Also, most men typically go right up the arousal curve, ejaculate and then go back to a 1 or a 2. That is a big drop in arousal happening very quickly.

This is a huge loss of energy and can sometimes feel “bad.” Especially if other psychological factors like guilt or shame about orgasming are involved. This can also have a lot to do with how you are getting to your orgasm.

Learning how to embody erotic energy, hold it and deepen into, will offer you a completely different experience in your body.

Sometimes, I do suggest that men who struggle with early ejaculation try not ejaculating for a week or with every other erotic experience. The desire for instant gratification of the orgasm can distract you from being full present in the moment.

Being present and focused on the moment is the most important part of finding more pleasure.

Summarize on withholding ejaculation

I suggest trying to not focus so much on the idea of not ejaculating and focus more on how you relate with your erotic energy. When you are feeling fully connected with your erotic energy, can you simply just be with it?

I like to use the idea of welcoming and meeting the erotic energy in your body. Similar to how you would greet a guest at your door that you have invited for dinner.

Invite them in, allow them to get comfortable.  Get each other up to speed since the last time you met. Then enjoy the main meal and dessert, there’s no need to rush through it!

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